Wednesday, 6 May 2015

So, its been a long time, but its been event full!
Well, what have I been up to in the long months since I last posted here?
Most importantly three weeks ago I had another PET scan, which showed, amazingly that there once again is NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE in my body. ha, take that cancer, i've kicked your sorry ass again. 3-0 to me, please get the message now and don't come back.  If a hatrick in football wins you the match ball, then I think i've just won life. it doesn't get much better than that.
I wont lie, we had a turbulent time getting to this point, in Jan I was near the end of the chemo course started on Oct so had a scan, but that showed that the chemo wasn't really being effective, it had got rid of the cancer in my shoulder, but had had no effect on the cancer behind my chest wall and even more worrying a new nodule had appeared once again in my neck. this, to be honest was the worst I had ever felt, how could new cancer grow on chemo?  this was not part of the plan. Not at all.  The tears flowed, the protection of the nearest and dearest went into overdrive, not quite telling the truth, but enough o justify the change in drug that was imminent.  I hate to think of those around me worrying, just knowing that I have cancer is enough for some, so I try to spare the details and the scary stuff, especially with out parents and the children. I wan the kids to live as kids and have a worry free life and enjoy their time, they worry when they see me being sick and lying on the sofa for 4-5 days at a time, as parents we need to protect them form all the other crap.  same with the oldies too, they are banned from the house on my bad days, as are most people, I just couldn't bear for them to see me so low - and to be perfectly honest, I cant even be arsed to speak anyway.  Shaun has a hard time those days as do the kids, between them they must ask me fifty time in the day if im ok?, if I need anything? a hot drink? a cold drink? something to eat? anything?  I just about grunt at them, part of me just wants to scream -"I cant be arsed to answer you, I don't want anything, leave me alone" but I cant, they mean well and care so much, so I carry on grunting!!  So the change of drugs, I was within the finish line of the first drug, I should have finished it on Feb 17th, but instead at the end of Jan I started a new round of 6 cycles of a mixture of two drugs ive had before. 3 weeks per cycle so I finish in 28th May and it cant come soon enough now.  The day I have chemo is day one, I don't mind chemo days, I have good chemo buddies, all of whom I love dearly. We have a good time, the nurses are fab and its a day I know I have to do to stay on this beautiful planet. Days 2 and 3 I feel fine,then comes day 4, tiredness hits, I probably just stay in bed, the safest place as my tolerance levels nosedive, so its me and the dog in bed with regular check ups from my 3 carers. Then Days 5-8, well shit doesn't cover it. my mouth goes awful, a white film covering the inside, rendering me with no taste at all and struggling with what to eat and drink, hot Ribena and Mcdonalds milkshake often do the trick, but that's about it. my appetite is totally diminished which is very not me! I swing quickly from a day of constipation to days of diahorea and am basically a zombie on the sofa watching crap TV, I cant watch my favourite programs as I have no concentration and just keep nodding off. so basically its 4 or 5 days of not really being on the planet I so desperately want to be a part of. but its worth it, evry minute of it, to get that clear scan. I couldn't wish for more.  The tears of relief flowed when I got the call, I had to wake shaun from his night shift slumber, the relief for us both was just immense. I let him go back to sleep before I made the round of phone calls to tell the world once again I was cancer free. Again the love shown back to us was mind blowing and I will never forget it.  Obviously, we wnet to our local with friends to celebrate, first off with a pint on the house - thanks The Bell. then we got the news that a friend in Cambridge had called to the pub and put £20 behind the bar for us - this was a lady we have met once, on a trek last year for Breakthrough Breast Cancer but stayed in touch with on Facebook. Was an amazing, kind and thoughtful thing to do, people can just be so wonderful and amazing. Thank you Katie.
So what's next, well, top of the list, is obviously staying alive. Then Lucy has A levels and turns 18 in July, an event that one my first diagnosis in 2008, I honestly didn't think I would see, so that needs to be a big event culminating in a trip to Barcelona. If there's one regret in life I have, its not travelling enough, we live in a beautiful country that we have only seen a fraction of and on an intriguing planet that we have seen even less off, so we need to travel more, starting somehow by investing in a VW camper to investigate Britain and then see how much of the world we can see, but where to start. luckily, I just love making plans, so will be in my element!
I cant finish this post without referring to the amazing TV program from Sunday night "The C Word" the most compelling 90 minutes of Tv I have ever seen, so well written and brilliantly acted, a great mix of hard hitting truths and humour that had us howling. The relationship between Lisa and her brother was great. If you dint see it, its so worth watching on catch up, just such an inspiring bit of TV for once.
Well ive rabbited on again too much, I blame the steroids, why else would I be awake at 2:14am and on a chemo day, I will be the first one at the Polling station at his rate. 
Thanks for reading, I hope it gives you some sort of insight into my life at the moment, and thanks for all of the support shown to us, we honestly couldn't manage it without you all.
Big hugs and lots of love  Kerry. (thats Cancer-free-Kerry!!!)
Ooh, I also forgot to mention, I have been nominated by some very kind friends for Citizen of the Year at the Pride of Rugby awards and am a finalist. so fingers crossed for me please on 15th May. xx
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