Monday, 3 August 2015

Good times and Sad times.

So here we go, its been a few weeks since I last posted, and its been a massive rollercoaster.  There have been great highs and terrible lows.  I have returned to work (not sure if that's a high or a low!) which is great as it is the biggest indication of me returning to normal and recovering form the effects of the chemo.  Ive only been doing 3 days a week, but its a start.  We have seen our beautiful daughter Lucy grow into a beautiful adult and helped her celebrate her 18th birthday with 4 days of celebration.  It is an honour to call her my daughter - I often look at her in amazement, her confidence, her beauty, her sense of humour, her intelligence all astound me - as do her clumsiness and ability to ask the most daftest of questions!
We also had a most needed 4 day break to Barcelona, temporarily becoming a family of 5 with the addition of "the other Lucy".  We had a fab time, it was so hot, but we enjoyed seeing most of the city from the comfort of the open top buses.  But it was whilst we were here I received the devastating news that G had passed away.  If you remember, I had been introduced to G in the chemo ward back in November.  We had become firm friends, allies almost, in this battle against this bloody cruel disease.   Our relationship quickly grew, from our love of going out to breakfast through to our hatred of cancer and ultimately our fear of death.   We took comfort in each other, knowing that we could talk about anything to each other, especially our fears.  We were both supported by great friends and we both have amazing sisters and I am very fortunate to have Shaun and our children, but no one (quite understandably) wants to talk about death and all that it brings.  I fully understand Shaun turning away from me and telling me to shut up when I talk about my funeral, order of service, songs to be played etc - but someone needs to know.  I cant expect Shaun or any of my friends or my sister to understand the real fear of death, the fear of not seeing the children grow up (hence Lucy having 4 days of 18th celebrations, there have been times I didn't think I would be here to see her reach 18, so I was determined it wouldn't pass quietly!) and the worry of how they would all cope without me.  In G, I found someone who knew exactly how I was feeling, as she was feeling the same.   We both took part in this years Race for Life in Stonleigh, G as part of "Gails Girls" and me as part of "Jogging for Julie".  My team covered the 5k, but somehow G managed the 10K, I really don't know how - well I do, she had an abundance of sheer guts and determination and walked that course with her 2 beloved dogs, to raise a huge amount of money for a cause we truly believe in.  I will miss my buddy so much, we did talk a lot of doom and gloom, but we also talked a lot of crap and had a huge amount of laughs and cake along the way.  Ive now lost 2 friends to this bloody shitty disease in the last 10 months and we had the news 3 days after Gs passing, Shauns second cousin a lovely lady called Alma had also succumbed to cancer after a long brave fight.  Its all just crap and we need to be able to put a stop to it - and soon.  loosing these precious people from my life makes me value mine more than ever now and I feel that I owe it to them to live my life to the full and to make the most of every moment - as we all do.   RIP G and Alma. XXX

Gails friends are holding a fundraising event on Saturday 22nd August at the Bull Inn in Clifton, Rugby. Here is the fundraising page to compliment the event, please donate if you can.... Huge thanks in advance. Kerry