So, we get to week 3, that's one cycle done. Woohoo, and we got there without too much drama. Well, I say not too much drama, but that doesn't include the slight incident in the hospital car park on Wednesday when I decided to leave my finger in the way when I shut the car door! Nor does it include me stopping 3 people in the car park in their tracks after I replied quite loudly to Shaun after he asked me if I was alright. Did I look alright? Jumping up and down in the middle of the car park effing and jeffing!. through gritted teeth and fighting back the tears I took myself off to the toilets and very bravely put my bloodied finger under the cold tap and wrapped it in toilet tissue. I calmly rejoined Shaun in the foyer and we quietly made our way to the coffee shop as we were early for our appointment with Professor Poole. Shaun sat me down whilst he went to order the coffees. That's when it hit me, straight between the eyes and the tears started, and boy did they flow. Sure, my finger bloody hurt, but not enough to warrant a meltdown in the middle of a coffee shop, but obviously the finger was the straw that broke the camels back, lets face it, its been quite a rollercoaster over the last few weeks.
Having cancer can be a very humbling experience. I am very blessed in many areas of my life, and I am lucky to have several very special friends and many wonderful colleagues (a few of whom I class as very good friends). The week started off on a high when I received a card through the post from my friends and colleagues from my old office up in Kegworth, just them letting me know that they were thinking of me. Ive had old colleagues contacting me on social media to express their shock at my latest diagnosis, but offering best wishes and support for me. My phone is constantly beeping with text messages from friends checking on how im doing, how im feeling, do I need anything doing or fetching. Some we have known for over 20 years, some we know through the kids at school or football training - all different areas of our lives, but all with the same kind intentions.
But there is one person missing. My dear Friend Julie sadly lost her battle with cancer on 29th September of this year, two days before I received my latest diagnosis. Julie put up such a brave and dignified fight and she will always hold a very special place in my heart. We met when our boys played football together but our friendship really took off when we introduced our girls to each other - our Lucys. Whilst I have lost someone who would most definitely been a friend for life, I know that the lucys have got just that with each other. When I received my second diagnosis back in March 12, Julie was the first one round, with a box of maltesers and a bunch of flowers. as i opened the door, she said to me "if you are looking for a rock, its not me, but I can bring you chocolates and flowers" well, she did all three, she was a rock, an incredible one, but sadly just four months later she was diagnosed with cancer of the mouth.
Whilst on the phone today to a friend I was asked how I was feeling and it was said that it must be hard for me to sometimes talk about how I felt and thats when I suddenly realised just how much I missed Julie, how much I missed that rock. Its probably considered very unlucky for two close friends to be going through cancer at the same time, but we both took comfort in that. we could talk so honestly with each other, about our hopes, our fears, our kids, just anything and boy do I miss that. A lot.
Like I said, its a humbling experience, just knowing that people are taking time out form their day to send a text, a tweet, a message or a phone call, such a simple thing, but so gratefully received and a great boost on the rubbish days - or any day for that matter.
Ive had no treatment this week, I got up Tuesday and new it would be a write off, so went to the hospital to get my bloods done, came home, bought the duvet down and there Ralf and I stayed for the day. But Wednesday I got up feeling good and now I have a week of that before I go back for my next chemo on Wednesday. Then the cycle starts again and that merrygo round will continue until the end of March.
But im sat here watching Children in Need and it just hits home - who am I to moan? my life is blessed in so many ways. Like my nan used to say, "theres always someone worse off than yourself" and aint that the truth.